My life has been a strange life, a compilation of small yet powerful, emotionally-charged moments that add up to what could be some other writer’s astounding work of fiction. I feel very lucky to have lived this life, the good and the bad of it. Every moment has shaped me into (I hope) a compassionate and “awake” human being.
The “awake” part is what most captivates my mind. When I say “awake” I mean it in the sense that I can be in the moment as it happens. I can live and feel an experience rather than rushing toward the elusive ghost of what lies ahead. I am here. I am now. And I haven’t always been this way.
I used to lock myself in my bedroom and imagine brighter days ahead. While with friends, I would complain about the complexities of my life, my everyday woes, my chronic broken heart.
I can happily say that I am no longer that person who was so prone to the over-analysis of, well, everything. These days, I enjoy my friends, my life and the mosaic of beautiful and terrible moments that make the human experience a precious and wonderful thing.
But enough with all of the greeting card sentimentality. I really can’t maintain that crap for very long.
The fact of the matter is– this year is going to be a year of firsts for me. I know where the boundaries of my comfort zone lie, and I am totally busting out.
The first step was entering poetry contests. Lots of them. This may not sound like a big deal, but believe me…it is a HUGE deal. I am not a person who likes to give my work away. I tend to coddle it, to treat it like a newborn child. Really, it’s kind of sick when you think of it that way. I guess I could be considered the poetic equivalent of a helicopter parent.
But I did it. Not only that, I did it multiple times! Whether I win or not isn’t as important to me as the fact that I actually managed to put those submission packets in the mail. Okay, well, that’s not totally true. Winning some money would definitely rule hardcore.
As a self-proclaimed geeky gamer chick, I find it a bit disturbing that I have never attended a convention. I mean, these are my people! And by the end of 2013, I will be able to lift my head up and proudly proclaim myself a convention veteran and all-around badass. I may even throw in some cosplay. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes. All those people, and all that body heat and geek-stink filling the air? I think I may stick with t-shirts and jeans. If I were to dress up as a superhero, my name would probably be Spare-Stick-of-Deodorant Girl. (Seriously, I hate crowds. I have terrible anxiety. This is going to be one adventure that I hope does not leave me with serious mental scars…)
In a related note, this year will herald my return to the exciting world of tabletop gaming. I have shiny new dice, and I will fucking use them! They are pink and girly and make me want to do some serious critical damage.
Also? I am returning to Poets on the Coast at the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport, Oregon this year. I could definitely use a poetic booster shot right about now. Too bad I have to wait until September.
So, how will YOU be redefining your comfort zone in 2013?