My life has been a strange life, a compilation of small yet powerful, emotionally-charged moments that add up to what could be some other writer’s astounding work of fiction. I feel very lucky to have lived this life, the good and the bad of it. Every moment has shaped me into (I hope) a compassionate and “awake” human being.
The “awake” part is what most captivates my mind. When I say “awake” I mean it in the sense that I can be in the moment as it happens. I can live and feel an experience rather than rushing toward the elusive ghost of what lies ahead. I am here. I am now. And I haven’t always been this way.
I used to lock myself in my bedroom and imagine brighter days ahead. While with friends, I would complain about the complexities of my life, my everyday woes, my chronic broken heart.
I can happily say that I am no longer that person who was so prone to the over-analysis of, well, everything. These days, I enjoy my friends, my life and the mosaic of beautiful and terrible moments that make the human experience a precious and wonderful thing.
But enough with all of the greeting card sentimentality. I really can’t maintain that crap for very long.
The fact of the matter is– this year is going to be a year of firsts for me. I know where the boundaries of my comfort zone lie, and I am totally busting out.
The first step was entering poetry contests. Lots of them. This may not sound like a big deal, but believe me…it is a HUGE deal. I am not a person who likes to give my work away. I tend to coddle it, to treat it like a newborn child. Really, it’s kind of sick when you think of it that way. I guess I could be considered the poetic equivalent of a helicopter parent.
But I did it. Not only that, I did it multiple times! Whether I win or not isn’t as important to me as the fact that I actually managed to put those submission packets in the mail. Okay, well, that’s not totally true. Winning some money would definitely rule hardcore.
As a self-proclaimed geeky gamer chick, I find it a bit disturbing that I have never attended a convention. I mean, these are my people! And by the end of 2013, I will be able to lift my head up and proudly proclaim myself a convention veteran and all-around badass. I may even throw in some cosplay. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes. All those people, and all that body heat and geek-stink filling the air? I think I may stick with t-shirts and jeans. If I were to dress up as a superhero, my name would probably be Spare-Stick-of-Deodorant Girl. (Seriously, I hate crowds. I have terrible anxiety. This is going to be one adventure that I hope does not leave me with serious mental scars…)
In a related note, this year will herald my return to the exciting world of tabletop gaming. I have shiny new dice, and I will fucking use them! They are pink and girly and make me want to do some serious critical damage.
Also? I am returning to Poets on the Coast at the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport, Oregon this year. I could definitely use a poetic booster shot right about now. Too bad I have to wait until September.
So, how will YOU be redefining your comfort zone in 2013?
Great post and it sounds like you’re on your way, pretty much. In other words your actions are launched. I also think blogging about it (there is something to telling someone your intention helps along the way). But entering poetry contests is big. Getting your work out there is big. I hope you win some money at some point. For me, this year is going to be about stepping outside my comfort zone on all levels, in my art, showing my art, and even letting someone into my heavily protected world romantically…if the soul is brave enough. Haha. Thank-you for this post. Great to read/think about.